Contra Ratio
by Phaet
Summary: Response to the WIKTT Inversion Challenge... Severus Snape is a Muggle-born Gryffindor Know-It-All, and Hermione Granger the sarky ex-Death Eater Slytherin Potions Master - HGSS. WIP
1. Prologue

**Summary:** My response to the WIKTT Inversion Challenge... Severus Snape is a Muggle-born Gryffindor Know-it-all, and Hermione Granger the sarky ex-Death Eater Slytherin Potions Master - WIP

**Disclaimer:** Any characters you recognise belong to JKR.

**Notes:** The idea of Severus in a Goth club came from post on the WIKTT mailing list. The club itself, or at least the atmosphere and floor, is very loosely based on a club called 'Stairways' in the Wirral, England. The song lyrics are from 'Vampire Erotica' by Inkubus Sukkubus.

The rating for this fic is currently PG-13 just to be on the safe side, but the rating may need changing later.

This is my first HG/SS fic, my first Challenge fic, my first fic longer than a single chapter, and my second ever fanfic... so reviews greatly appreciated.

* * *

"See! Told you that charm'd do the trick!" the short blonde called to her companions. She opened her mouth to say something else, but her words were lost in the wave of cigarette fumes, sweat and loud rock music that hit them as the door opened before them. The tall dark-haired young man beside her sighed. It was going to be a long night.

He didn't want to be here, he mused silently a short while later, staring broodingly into the glass of vodka and coke in his hand as she leaned against one of the many black-painted walls. Swirling the brown liquid around, he took another sip of the concoction and grimaced. The coke was flat, the vodka cheap-tasting and probably not to be found in most law-abiding establishments. _Not like I can talk about law-abiding right now_.

Sev had been surprised when his cousin had turned up at his bedroom door earlier that evening, a stubborn look on her face that he had come to know well over the summer spent with his aunt and her Wizard husband. It had been a bit of a shock, after his parents were killed in a final Death Eater raid on Hogsmeade at the end of a Hogwarts parent's evening at the beginning of the summer, to discover his mother's estranged sister was married to a Muggle-born Wizard... one who had, in face, been a former Hogwarts Head Boy.

Despite his protests that he would be happy to stay at Hogwarts with Harry, or that the Weasleys would be willing to have him to stay, Dumbledore had decided that, now the war was over and Voldemort finally dead, Severus would be better off away from the school... and the memory of his parents' deaths. Not that the memories stayed behind when they left... but maybe the Headmaster had a point. Not seeing their graves every time he looked out of the main doors was somewhat of a relief.

As his parents' only living relatives, Tempest and Richard Pryce had given Severus a place to stay over the summer holiday before his last year at school. It wasn't home, of course, but it was... something. His cousin Rowan - it appeared a taste for strange names ran in his mother's family, and for once he was glad to not feel alone with a Wizard-esque name in the Muggle world - had quickly become something approaching the older sister he'd never had; and, to be honest, had never really wanted.

It was, of course, his cousin's fault he was stuck here, in this... place... thing... he wasn't quite sure what to call it. His best friends would probably die laughing if they heard that the 'Know-It-All' Gryffindor Severus Snape, had been rendered speechless.

Rowan Pryce had never been one to take 'no' for an answer, and when her mother informed her that she either had to take Severus with her or stay at home, the young witch had immediately run upstairs to corner her relative. He'd refused, of course - the new school year started in less than two weeks, and Sev wanted to finish reading the Advanced Potions and Transfigurations texts he'd picked up at Diagon Alley the week before - but Rowan had refused to listen to his objections. She'd gone with him to the library and helped him with 'crazy potions experiments' all summer, supposedly out of the goodness of her heart, and now that her friends were back from a summer on the French Riviera she wanted to spend time with them. Which meant _he_ had to spend time with them too.

And so, the 17-year-old student had found himself dragged out by his cousin and her friends. His protests about needing to study and being underage had fell on deaf ears; Rowan apparently knew all about his use of a Time Turner in his third year at Hogwarts... and somehow, she also knew that Severus had added over a year to his age in the process, making him 19 in January, not the 18 his passport claimed. A quick spell later and the 'problem' of his lack of ID had been solved. The bouncers, and anyone else who was likely to wonder about his age, would see a face they recognised as a regular, someone whose ID they had checked in previous weeks and knew to be valid. Another benefit of the spell would be that anyone who knew him wouldn't be able to recognise him unless he wanted them to. It was a very nice piece of magic, and while Sev's natural curiosity meant he wanted to know more about the charm Rowan had used on him, common sense - and a summer spent in her company - told him he'd probably be better off not knowing.

"Cheer up Sev!" a tenor voice bellowed in his ear, a strong hand striking him on the shoulder in what was supposed to be a reassuring gesture. All it managed to do was cause the teenager in question to lurch forward, spilling his drink across the floor. Not that anyone would have noticed with the amount of alcohol and dirt already covering the ancient linoleum. He wondered idly how long it had been since the floor was cleaned... his aunt Tempest had mentioned that she and Sev's mother, Savannah, used to come here. He assumed it was during some kind of short-lived misspent youth, because he couldn't imagine the staid Doctor Savannah Snape drinking liquid moonshine in a club and dancing wildly to rock music. Not that he _wanted _to imagine his mother and aunt doing such things... no, definitely not!

"D'you need to talk?" The tenor again, tone more serious and hand merely gripping rather than squeezing.

Sev sighed, raking one long-fingered hand through his shoulder-length black hair. Dave was a nice guy under the short spiky blue hair and multiple facial piercings... but he seemed to have a serious 'big brother' complex when it came to his girlfriend's orphaned cousin. And Sev didn't think he could deal with a 'talk', at full volume to be heard over the deafening music, about his parents' death a few months before. The pain, the sense of loss, was still too fresh. Never one to share his feelings, he was fine not talking about what had happened. If only he could get Dave to understand that.

Slowly dragging his eyes from his perusal of the floor, in a rather obvious attempt to delay any further conversation with Dave, Sev felt his jaw drop a little at the sight in front of him. As if by magic or an act of fate, the crowd around the dance floor had parted, giving him a clear view of the centre of the floor... and the woman dancing there.

Chestnut hair tumbled down her back in tangled waves past her waist, damp with sweat at the temples. Her eyes were closed, head thrown back, as she moved with the music, ignoring the press of bodies around her.

_My heart burns for love_

_My soul burns for blood_

_I'll take you, I'll break you_

_I'll crush you, I'll break you_

_If you want me, I'll need you_

_I'll kill you, feed from you_

_I'll take you down that road_

_That leads to destruction_

Slender arms were raised above her head as the song changed, becoming wilder. Curvy hips clad in a tiny black denim miniskirt swayed to the beat, drawing his gaze down a long expanse of fishnet-clad thigh to where the pale skin disappeared under knee-length leather boots.

_I'll hurt you, you'll love me_

_I'll scratch you, I'll cut you_

_You'll kiss me, then miss me_

_I'll laugh at your torment_

_I'll have you, and own you_

_Be hard and cold to you_

_I'll be your dark angel_

_I'll be your worst nightmare_

Ignoring Dave's concerned voice in his ear, Sev pulled his gaze back up along her body, lingering on the expanse of flat stomach bared by her low-slung skirt. Eyes roving higher, he admired the way the thin black fabric of her shirt clung lovingly to her ribs and chest. The low neckline bared a good portion of her upper chest and cleavage, outlining the swell of her breasts, pushed into further prominence by her raised arms.

_Come and take a walk with me_

_Where the angels fear to tread_

_Kiss the flame, feel the pain_

_In the furnace of our love_

_Come along and talk with me_

_Sing the sweet song of despair_

_Give your body, give your soul_

_In the furnace of our love_

He continued to watch her as the song drew to a close. She was... hot, sexy... _very sexy_ a small inner voice chimed in. And he wasn't the only guy thinking that, judging by the number of males crowding around her, hovering at the edge of the dance space. But she also looked... familiar.

A small frown grew on his pale, thin-featured face as he tried to place her. Sev was almost positive he'd seen her somewhere before... he just couldn't quite think where.

_Maybe that's the idea_ he thought suddenly. She was probably someone from school, a witch who, like him, had used some sort of magic to prevent herself from being recognised by a casual acquaintance.

_Yes_ he decided a few minutes later, watching the woman dance again, the music winding down for a short break while the DJ changed over. He watched as the song finished and she moved over towards the bar, pulling a note from a pocket in her skirt and calling something to the bartender.

She was very sexy. She was... As if feeling his eyes on her, the woman turned her head, looking straight at him for a minute.

_Holy shit!_

Severus' jaw dropped in astonishment as hazel eyes fixed on him for a brief moment, no sign of recognition on her face.

She was... his Potions professor!

* * *

The brunette leaned against the bar, glancing idly around the room while waiting for her drink, hazel eyes inspecting those not hidden in shadow or behind other denizens of the loud, smoky club. There were a few familiar faces here and there... she was almost willing to wager that the red-haired girl in the corner had been in last year's Advanced Potions class, a Hufflepuff prefect... Thankfully, while she could recognise them, none of them would be able to identify her. Dealing with students in term-time was bad enough; Hermione Granger, Hogwarts' Potions Mistress and head of Slytherin House, had absolutely no wish to actively socialise with them outside school grounds. _Or within school grounds, for that matter_.

Which didn't precisely explain what the pureblood head of Slytherin and former Death Eater was doing in a Muggle nightclub, drinking alcohol that could double as paint-stripper whilst wearing far too much eyeliner.

Hazel eyes locked briefly with the deep black of someone on the other side of the room. She'd seen him from the corner of her eye, watching as she danced. It was amazing how easily males were influenced by the female body… a power she usually took full advantage of. A blue-haired punk with a vaguely familiar face broke the eye contact, waving his hand in front of his companion's face, causing the man to turn with an irritated frown.

Hermione smiled slightly to herself. This could be interesting.

* * *

TBC 


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, but they still dance to my tune like puppets on strings

**Notes: **The first chapter, the scene in the club, is now the prologue, and has been extended a little. I was originally going to have another chapter from Hermione's point of view… but it didn't work out that way. Don't you just hate when characters have their own ideas, and refuse to let you in on what's happening?

A big **thank you** to those who reviewed the first chapter: )

Sorry it took me so long to update… my muse seems to be on strike (and believe me, if I knew what her demands were, I'd meet them), and writing this chapter had many similarities with drawing blood from a stone ;

* * *

Severus stood on the edge of Platform 9 ¾, slightly removed from the loud chaotic gathering that was this year's Hogwarts students – as well as their parents and, in the case of most of the first years, grandparents, aunts and distant relatives, all of whom had made the journey to see their 'little darlings' off to school. The seventh years stood out in the crowd; they were the ones shying away from effusive embraces, looking embarrassed when their mothers questioned loudly whether they'd packed enough underwear to last until the Christmas break.

"Sev!" A loud call, swiftly followed by a sharp pain across the back of his head, interrupted the Gryffindor's musings.

"Ow!" Raising a hand to his head, Severus turned and glowered at the culprit. "Bloody hell, Ron… I know you don't like Divination, but getting sent to Azkaban is a bit of an extreme cop-out."

"Oops, sorry about that" The tall, freckled redhead blushed embarrassedly, retrieving his owl's cage from the floor beside Severus. "The cage just slipped," he added apologetically, carefully inspecting the cage's occupant. Pig, Ron's miniature pet owl, glared furiously through the metal bars, hooting loudly.

"So", the Gryffindor Keeper continued, blithely ignoring the tiny owl's reprimands "how was your summer?"

Opening his mouth to reply Sev thought for a second, looking around at all the Slytherins and first years, then shrugged. "It was okay, I guess. I'll tell you more about it later" he added in a warning tone, raising one arm to wave at the group approaching them. "Hi Mrs. Weasley, hi Ginny."

* * *

_'…many things in the universe can be explained by reduction to mathematical formulae. The formulae can be tested and demonstrated to be accurate or not. It is quite another to claim that somehow the name you are given at birth was preordained to coincide-'_

"Harry!" Ron's delighted yell dragged Severus back to the real world. Looking up from his book, Sev smiled at the skinny tousle-haired wizard standing in the doorway of the carriage. The train for Hogsmeade had set off from King's Cross station about half an hour ago, and Ron had been fretting constantly that 'those horrid Muggle relatives' of Harry's had found some way to keep him from completing his last year of school.

Despite Voldemort's death the previous summer – not, as the Wizarding world had been hoping, at the hands of 17-year-old Harry Potter, but due to an allergic reaction. Who would have thought that the feared Lord Voldemort would be felled by something as simple but deadly as a bee sting? – Harry was still living with his mother's Muggle relatives. Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts Headmaster and leader of the Order of the Phoenix, had decided it would still be too dangerous for Harry to spend his summers away from the limited protection that dwelling with blood relatives would offer him; many Death Eaters, both known to the authorities and otherwise, were still on the loose.

"See, Ron? I told you Harry would be along," Sev muttered, turning back to his book. So far, he'd managed to avoid any further questions about his summer by pretending to be engrossed in his book. Not that the latest volume of 'Amazing Arithmancy' wasn't interesting, but he'd already gone through it a couple of times over the summer. Thankfully, Ron had learned from their six years of friendship the consequences of disturbing Severus while he was reading – and Ron no wish to get into a discussion about Arithmancy. Which meant Sev had been left alone. So far at least.

"So, Harry, where were you?" Ron demanded as the Boy Who Lived crashed, owl cage and all, onto the seat next to Severus. The Boy Who Read Alot slumped further down into his seat, raising his feet onto the seat opposite and crossing his ankles. While his eyes remained glued to his book, he kept half his attention on the other boys' conversation. Harry's tale was bound to be a long and involved one – it was amazing just how bad summer holidays could get at 4 Privet Drive.

* * *

"… and then it _exploded_!" Ron exclaimed, finishing his reverent description of the Weasley twins' latest invention – and Molly Weasley's reaction to it. After having heard all about Harry's horrendous summer with the Dursleys, Ron had regaled his friends with tales of mayhem and mishap from his own household.

Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes had gained immensely in popularity since the business had moved to an empty store in Hogsmeade at the beginning of the Golden Trio's sixth year. A favourite stop for Hogwarts students, it was soon completely out-doing Zonko's in both the creativity of it's stock and the sheer number of people it served. Within a year, Fred and George had been able to easily afford a full-time staff to run the original shop, while they themselves purchased and managed a combination second store and experimental laboratory in Diagon Alley.

"George says they just have to decide on a name for it, and then it'll be on sale. Mum says they'd better come up with a product that gets the fluorescent glow out of carpet and furniture, or they won't live long enough to get it into the shops. Oh, look, we're nearly there" Ron added casually, leaning over Severus to peer out the window at the familiar landmarks that heralded their approach to Hogsmeade station.

* * *

"We ever gonna hear about your Muggles, Sev?" Harry asked idly, watching Hedwig soar above the platform at Hogsmeade train station. The three Gryffindor seventh-years stood amidst the chaotic mill of students, familiars and trunks leaving the train and finding their way to the relevant transport. From somewhere at the other end of the station Hagrid's voice could be heard calling the first years around him for the boat ride across the lake, while second years were blinking in astonishment at the Thestral-drawn carriages provided for the slightly older students.

"Yeah, right… sorry. Tell you about it later. Been a bit distracted… you know." Severus shrugged. While initially the thought of their reaction to the whole 'Potions Mistress in a Muggle nightclub' had been amusing, now he wasn't so sure that he should tell them. After all, Professor Granger had deliberately not wanted to be recognised… and she'd probably make his life hell if she realised that not only did he see her, but he'd told his friends all about it. Which would mean that within a week it would be all over school - even the teachers knew that Ronal Weasley was incapable of keeping a secret.

Harry and Ron just nodded in what they hoped was an understanding and supportive manner; after all, Severus had lost both his parents only a few months before, and a summer with Muggle relatives was, in their experience, never an enjoyable exercise. They had no idea that their bookish friend was being plagued by the mental image of their Potions professor looking… _No. No way_. Sev was not going to go there again.

* * *

TBC

My apologies for the lack of action/decent plot/very slow pace, but my Muse still isn't behaving and I thought it might help me to get at least **something** else up.

Reviews greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own a bag of Clodhoppers, seven pairs of shoes, a fuzzy purple pillow, and a china crockery set. Last time I checked, the Harry Potter universe was none of these things.

**Note: **The events of the HP books, with a few small alterations which I'll try to make clear at the time, have pretty much happened as in canon – with the obvious change of 'evil greasy git Professor Snape' being 'evil greasy git Professor Granger' and female. On that note, however, Harry's Legillimency and Occlumency training from OotP did not occur, and Hermione did not date Victor Krum (for rather obvious reasons).

Sorry for the wait; it seems my muse is still on strike, which is terribly unfair as the plot bunny refuses to likewise depart. The bit with Ron and Crooks seemed to write itself, though, and I have no idea where the Chocolate Frog part came from. On the plus side, this chapter's longer than the last one :)

* * *

"Seen the new Chocolate Frog cards?" Ron asked cheerfully as the three walked out of the train station and towards the line of carriages outside. Dodging around yet another clump of second years gaping in astonishment at the apparently empty harnesses - "Where are the horses?" "Neat!" "It _is_ a school for magic, Iris" - Severus shrugged. His aunt had bought some during the summer, but Ash, Rowan's younger brother, had opened the sweets and claimed all the cards almost before his mother had taken them out of her bag. He'd left the chocolate, though, which had made the house's teenage occupants happy.

"Ron." Harry looked around, climbing into the empty carriage at the end of the row once he'd located Hedwig in the skies above them. Moving to sit by the far window, he fixed the redhead in the doorway with a stern emerald-green gaze. "I spent the summer _with the Dursleys_." The others nodded; they knew all about Harry's Muggle relatives and their hatred of all things magical.

"Sorry, mate. Stupid question eh?" Ron apologised, throwing himself onto the seat opposite Harry as Severus and his demented half-Kneazle cat took up the remaining space in the carriage.

"Bloody hell! Who let that thing out!" the redhead exclaimed, casting Crookshanks a wary glance and moving as close to the door - and thus as far away from his friend's familiar - as possible. Harry snickered, Sev rolled his eyes, and the Ginger Menace sprawled leisurely across the seat, sharp claws making a half-hearted swipe in his seatmate's direction. Ron looked horrified and opened the far door of the carriage, hopping out onto the road.

Ron's goodwill towards Crooks - established after the cat's assistance to Harry's late godfather, Azkaban escapee Sirius Black, when he was hiding from the law in Hogsmeade's 'Shrieking Shack' - had abruptly evaporated in the middle of their sixth year following an... incident... with Ron's owl, Pigwidgeon. It wasn't Crookshanks' fault that Pig looked exactly like a squeaky toy bird Sev's mother had sent the feline for Christmas, or so Sev insisted. But, for some reason, Ron hadn't agreed with his dark-haired friend's opinion. Crooks was, once again, Evil with a six-foot-high capital 'E', and should be kept away from Weasleys and seemingly-edible owls at all costs.

"Put that thing back in it's cage, Sev!" Ron demanded, grabbing Pig's cage from the carriage and holding it protectively, all the while glaring at the smug-looking cat.

"Ron, get back in the carriage," Harry ordered with a long-suffering sigh.

"No."

"Yes!"

"Not until that damned thing's safely away. You saw how he was eyeing Pig!"

"Ron, just get-"

"Look, Ron," Sev interrupted with a friendly smile. "I'm really sorry Crooks tried to eat Pig last year. But that was nearly six months ago… I'm sure he's forgotten Pig's edible by now."

Oddly enough, Sev's attempt as reassurance didn't work very well.

They were at an impasse: Ron scowled at Crookshanks, Crooks glared at Pig, Harry put his head in his hands and muttered about Fate having a cruel sense of humour, and no one was inclined to make the first move.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! C'mere Crooks, you can sit on my knee so Ron doesn't try chucking you out the window when we go past the lake," Sev muttered with a roll of black eyes, scooping the cat up from the opposite seat and cradling the ugly orange creature in his arms in the same way Ron was holding Pig's cage.

With a final grumble to demonstrate his reluctance to allow Crooks and Pig in the same vehicle without the former being safely locked away, Ron set the cage on the floor by Harry's feet and clambered back inside. Once seated, he closed the door and retrieved Pig's cage from the floor. It would be easier, Harry thought to himself, if Ron had let Pig out at the station to fly with Hedwig. Then again, the tiny owl was a complete idiot and almost as much of a menace as Sev's cat; Pig would be sure to get lost or fly into an electricity pylon, or something equally stupid.

"Dunno why you don't keep that blasted thing safely locked up," Ron complained, glaring at Crooks again.

"He was in his carrier all the way from my house to here," Sev replied defensively, stroking Crooks' orange fur and slouching back against the upholstered seat. A sharp lurch forward notified the three that their carriage was beginning to make it's way along the road to Hogwarts Castle. "It'd be cruel to keep him locked up now that we're nearly there."

Ron scowled. "It's 'cruel' to inflict _that _on-"

"What was that about Chocolate Frog cards, Ron?" Harry interrupted quickly, trying to defuse the situation before it deteriorated into one of the hours-long bouts of name-calling and familiar-insulting that had made the summer term of their sixth year less than pleasant.

"There's a new set out!" Severus couldn't quite decide if Ron had fallen for their friend's incredibly transparent ploy, or if he'd simply decided to play along to make Harry happy. The Boy Who Lived had little happiness in his life; even less following the death of his beloved godfather in the confrontation with Voldemort's lackeys inside the Ministry of Magic, during the Trio's fifth year at Hogwarts.

"'Most Villainous Villains'. It's in honour of the 'Fall of the Dark Lord'," he continued in the tone of one who had memorised their speech perfectly. Or one who was reading from the crumpled newspaper clipping he was trying to hide behind raised knees. "A collection of the most foul and evil Wizards and Witches in history. 'Cording to the Prophet, the set includes He Who Must Not Be NamedGrindelwald, Lillith, Montezuma, Set, Herpo the Foul, Rasputin, Hecate, Jack the Ripper, Ivan the Terrible, Lucretia Borgia, Adolf Hitler, Morgan le Fey, Elizabeth Bathory, Barbara Streisand, Genghis Kahn… they've re-used some of the regular cards!" His tone was disappointed and slightly hurt, as if it had been done on purpose to offend him. "I wonder if Granger's in there..."

"_Professor_ Granger, Ron," Sev corrected with a long-suffering sigh. Over six years of nagging and correcting, and Harry and Ron still wouldn't use the Potions professor's proper title. It was times like this – _every single week during term-time!_ - when Sev wondered why he bothered. He should let them lose House Points for disrespecting teachers if they wanted it so badly. "And I doubt it. She's not exactly in the same league as, well, any of them."

"Plenty of room in the dungeons for a dead corpse or twenty. Just because we haven't seen them…" Ron grumbled, trailing off meaningfully and looking to Harry for support.

"I wouldn't put it past her," Harry muttered darkly. Ron nodded in agreement, sending Sev an 'I told you so' look.

"I'll agree that she's not the most pleasant individual in existence, but she's still a teacher. And can dock points for rudeness and disrespectful behaviour," Sev added with a warning glare, in the final attempt of the day to instil common sense into his friends. They all knew the Potions Mistress was black-hearted - even after the fall of Voldemort and the end of her years as a spy for Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix – and that she took great delight in taking points from any House not her own Slytherin, so it was beyond Sev why the other two insisted on giving her excuses to indulge in her favourite hobby and deduct extra points for fun.

"'Not pleasant'? She makes a Basilisk look-" Whatever insult Ron was about to utter was abruptly cut off as the carriage lurched to one side with an ominous snapping sound. Pig screeched with fright as the vehicle began to slide off the road and down a slope, flinging it's occupants to crowd against one window.

"Argh! Sev, get off me!" Harry yelled as he was crushed against the door by the weight of Severus, Crookshanks and the heavy tomes Sev had been carrying in his schoolbag.

"Oh, sh-" the exclamation was abruptly cut off by a trainer to the speaker's gut. Harry let out a strangled yelp as they lurched again, one wheel catching against a large object and swinging the vehicle around. The carriage abruptly halted. The trio and their pets were flung against the far doorway, landing with pained cries and muttered profanities in a heap on the floor between the seats.

"Ow! Harry, get off my hair!"

"Argh! My wrist!"

"Someone get this bloody creature off me!"

The last was Ron, gesturing to the hissing feline wrapped around his lower leg, claws digging into voluminous school robes.

Pushing a complaining Harry off the top of the tangled heap – and, co-incidentally, off Sev's unbound shoulder-length hair – the black-haired wizard staggered to his feet, narrowly avoiding falling back onto Ron as the bag strap wrapped around his ankles threw him off balance. Collapsing onto one of the now-vacant seats and apparently oblivious to the sharp slant of the carriage, Severus gestured to Ron, glancing around to make sure Harry and Pig were still alive. The Boy Who Lived to Complain was still lying on the floor beside Ron and muttering about his wrist

"Ron, he's just scared. Shut up an-" Sev trailed off, a horrified expression on his pale face as he gazed out the window. Outside the old, slightly scratched glass, he could see nothing but a dark expanse of water, gently lapping at the rocks some fifty feet below them. Lights flickered faintly in the distance, giving Sev some idea of their location.

Just off the Hogsmeade road. Right next to Hogwarts' lake. Apparently hanging at the edge of a cliff over said lake.

"Oh, crap…."

* * *

TBCAuthors like reviews… 


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** My name is not J.K. Rowling, and never shall be – at least in part because I don't want to go by the name Joanne (no offence to any Joannes reading this, it's just not something I would change my name to. You'd probably feel the same about my name).

**Notes:** My sincerest thanks to those who have read and reviewed this story so far.

I'd apologise for the (literal) cliff-hanger at the end of the last chapter, but I'm evil enough to have enjoyed it.

I do apologise, however, for the long gap between this chapter and the last one… life got crazy-busy all of a sudden, and I haven't had the time or inclination to write (or indeed, do much online) for a while now. I have quite literally been writing this chapter for _weeks_, and although I'm not entirely happy with it, I just want the silly thing posted so I can get on with the story.

* * *

_"Ron, he's just scared. Shut up an-" Sev trailed off, a horrified expression on his pale face as he gazed out the window. Outside the old, slightly scratched glass, he could see nothing but a dark expanse of water, gently lapping at the rocks some fifty feet below them. Lights flickered faintly in the distance, giving Sev some idea of their location._

_Just off the Hogsmeade road. Right next to Hogwarts' lake. Apparently hanging at the edge of a cliff over said lake._

_"Oh, fuck…."_

* * *

"What?" Harry demanded anxiously, green eyes glazed with pain as he clutched his wrist against his chest. "What's wrong?"

"We, um, see to have a bit of a problem…"

"What kind of problem?" Ron lurched to his feet, swaying precariously over Harry's prone form.

"Stay still!" Severus ordered sharply, tearing his gaze away from the drop outside the window to glare at the red-head. Ron glared back at his long-haired friend, and Sev sighed. "Sorry. But you'll both have to keep still for now. We're a little too close to the lake, and, well…" his voice dropped to a mumble and he looked away, avoiding the worried eyes of his friends, "any quick movements could send us tumbling straight over the cliff…"

"The _what_?" This was Harry, who Sev had almost forgotten was present, sprawled on the floor. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Severus tried instead for a reassuring smile; as the slightly glazed looks upon the faces of both his friends had not altered the slightest, it appeared that the smile was not as effective as Sev had hoped.

"Cliff, Harry. High or steep face of rock or soil. In particular, the one just off the Hogsmeade road."

"I know what a cliff is," Harry muttered in reply, sending a dark look in Severus' direction. "You're the Know-It-All… how do we get out of this?"

"Umm. Just a sec." Severus blinked, silently wondering why _he_ was always the one who had to get them out of difficult situations. "Well, if we're still mostly on the ground, we can - _carefully_ - move to the other end of the carriage and climb out through the door. We'll have to do it slowly, though, any quick movements or shifts in balance could… well, I'm sure you can guess."

"'_If we're still mostly on the ground_'?" Ron asked warily, the sense of danger honed by five older brothers warning him that there was something intrinsically _wrong_ with the plan.

"Well… yes." Sev grimaced. He'd really been hoping that neither of his friends would pick up on that little qualifier. "It could be that we're too far off the cliff, and if we try to get to the door… we'll end up the giant squid's evening snack."

"Lovely," Ron muttered in reply, breaking the silent pause that had followed Sev's revelation. "Just lovely."

"Sorry." Sev shrugged, not looking at all repentant; he hated to be the bearer of bad tidings, but it was the truth. And Ron _had_ asked.

"Right, then," Severus continued, looking between his two best friends and making another attempt at a reassuring smile. "Ron, you go stand by the door - _slowly_, mind - and I'll help Harry up." Ron, as the tallest and heaviest of the trio, should provide enough counter-balance that Harry's getting to his feet wouldn't tip them over the cliff.

In theory, at least.

But theory wasn't terribly reassuring in situations like this, and Severus held his breath as Ron began to move towards the far end of the carriage, careful not to make any sudden moves or trip over the various items littering his path.

Agonizing moments later the red-head reached the door. Harry and Severus let out identical sighs of relief; sighs which turned into strangled exclamations of horror as several pieces of paper under Ron's foot slid to the side, unsettling his balance and causing him to stagger back a few steps. Crookshanks leapt from Severus' arms, darting for the door and out the partially-open window. The carriage began to rock slowly backwards, all three boys freezing in horrified anxiety as they waited to see what would happen next.

The carriage rolled forward, poised on the very edge of the ground, and let out a rusty creak. And then… they were falling. Down, down, straight towards the murky depths of the lake. Severus closed his eyes, silently beseeching some greater power to somehow _save them_, because at this speed, with the rocks, and no wands, there was little chance they'd get out of this alive without some form of divine intervention.

As if in answer to his prayers, the carriage's occupants were sent roughly bouncing off walls and seats and into each other as their descent halted abruptly. The three lay in a tangled, rather bewildered sprawl of limbs in the space between the two seats as the vehicle slowly began to rise back up the cliff and away from the edge, coming to a less-than-gentle landing in the middle of the road. The boys scrambled to their feet, forgetting injuries and belongings as they tumbled inelegantly out of the door and onto solid ground.

"Thank God!" Ron gasped, hands clutching the muddy grass as a drowning man would a life-preserver. From his seat curled on the ground some feet away, Crookshanks raised his head briefly in Ron's direction, sending the boy a look that Ron would later swear was a smirk.

"Not quite." The smooth, silky voice came from somewhere in the shadows behind them. The trio froze, the expressions on their face far more worried than before, even when they had been certain they were about to tumble over the cliff. Severus watched Ron paled to a chalk-white and Harry turned green, feeling the colour drain from his own skin. _Oh, bugger_.

"Misters Potter, Weasley and Snape… the first day of school, and already you three are in trouble. Severe damage to school property, loss of a very rare and expensive magical creature… What _will_ the Headmaster say?" A small spark of light appeared at the end of a wand, harshly illuminating the pale skin and characteristic sneer of the Hogwarts professor every student least wished to run into on a dark night.

Ron gulped, and Severus briefly wondered if plunging to their certain doom would have been the more desirable fate.

"Pro- Professor Granger."

* * *

TBC 


End file.
